19 weeks

Man 19 weeks as sure flown by. We still do not have much progress on the nursery but Chad did finish painting a dresser that we will be putting in her closet and just with a touch of pink it seems real. My to-do list keeps building with things I would like to get done before she gets here and it is all I seem to think about these days. Pregnancy brain is at an all-time high at the moment its more like pregnancy brain + mom brain = mush brain. I forgot my wallet at home the other day after going to the grocery store with Grady and of course didn’t realize until I was checking out. And I can’t even count how many times I have misplaced my keys including in the bathroom at work after I had walk all the way out to my car.

I still do not have many cravings but when I do get a craving that is of course something Grady LOVES (aka Cheetos) I literally have to hide in the pantry to eat my Cheetos so he doesn’t see me. Motherhood is a great form of diet I have figured out. 

Family Vacay

I’ve been pretty stressed out lately with well life that a family vacation just sounded like the right medicine. I have been dying to go somewhere and since Mexico is out of the question, thanks zika, we settled on Destin, FL. We booked our trip about a month out so not much time for planning, actually our original plan was to go to Waco/Dallas for Good Friday and then go to Florida for Memorial weekend but when I looked up the hotel for Waco the prices sky rocketed so we decided to switch our trips. Which reminds me I need to book that hotel room before it sky rockets again for memorial weekend. Our trip to Destin was short Wednesday-Saturday but honestly we were ready to come back by Saturday.

Grady is at such a fun stage right now, well when he’s not teething (currently cutting 4 teeth)luckily we kept him quite busy that we didn’t really notice him being too fussy. I have had huge guilt with being pregnant again and I just want to soak up all the moments of Grady being the only child for as long as I can. I hope that I never forget his obsession for shoes and the way he says blue, socks, and bath or the way he gets so excited and the way he runs with his left arm swinging. I convinced Chad that we needed a big vacation before baby sister arrives and we become a family of 4. There’s not much convincing when you are talking about a beach with Chad so we were on.

We flew out Wednesday morning to Dallas and then caught another plane from Dallas to Pensacola, Fl. Grady did amazing the first leg, by amazing I mean slept the entire time. The second flight was a little more difficult he’s an active little man so he wants to be on the go instead of sitting. Luckily our flights were short about an hour long. After arriving in Pensacola we got our rental car and made the final trip to Destin. We stayed in a condo right off the beach so when we arrived at our condo we immediately changed and ran down to the beach. It was absolutely adorable watching Grady feel sand for the first time. He didn’t know quite what to think but then it was all about us chasing him around.

We ate out for dinner but then shopped at Walmart to grab things for breakfast and lunch. I will admit that the food in Destin was not that great and we were not impressed. However the beaches were beautiful and clean! We spent most of our time at the beach but also went to an aquarium which Grady had a blast, mostly dancing around but he was so intrigued by the animals it was so much fun to watch his little eyes pop.  

On Saturday, the night we were leaving, Grady was not really acting himself and was really fussy. I just thought it was due to him being tired but then during a scream I counted 3 teeth trying to pop through. All I could think about was AWESOME, so we packed the Tylenol in our carry on and headed out. The first flight was a little rough but luckily the second flight wasn’t packed so we had 3 seats to ourselves and Grady could climb all over us.

Our vacation was a much needed family vacation but we are both thinking that we still need Mexico in our lives again and that momma needs a drink because a virgin daiquiri just ain’t cutting it, 2018?!?.

Beach hair - don't care

18 weeks

As of last week I was 18 weeks and let me tell you I still cannot believe I’m pregnant. I mean there’s no denying this beach ball but I think I’m still in shock that we are going to be having another little baby here before too long. This past week we traveled to Destin, FL for a much needed family vacation. I’ll do a post about our trip later but Grady absolutely loved it and sometimes it’s nice to just get away but now that we are back I am getting more and more anxious about getting everything together before baby girl arrives. I probably have 15 lists going on 15 different pieces of paper.

Baby girl was in a very bad position that was killing my tailbone and back, you know the pressure points that hit when you are walking down the hallway. Yea, not fun, any who she has thankfully moved into a move comfortable position. I’m still not craving anything which I didn’t really crave anything with Grady and I’m starting to think that cravings aren’t real. But hey I’ll still use the excuse. 

17 weeks

I have been lacking in the motivation department lately. Probably due to the fact that I have not worked out in lord knows how long but man I have all these big ideas and none of them are coming together. I am 17 weeks along and with Grady we already had stuff put together and a plan for the nursery, with this one I have a plan in my head but nothing in the nursery is put together. And I'm fine with that but it is so not my character.

We had our appointment last week and double checked the empty sack I spoke about in my last update and thankfully it is gone and everything looks normal! I am starting to feel a lot better now that the sickness has passed although I think I went from 1st trimester symptoms to 3rd trimester symptoms, I am EXHAUSTED all the time. We are converting our "guest bedroom" into a nursery, our guest bedroom is more like a junk room so it is taking us a little longer to get it all cleared out and organized. We normally have our neighborhood garage sale in the summer so we are waiting until then to really get the nursery going. We are also planning on making a trip to Waco/Dallas over memorial weekend to get furniture for the nursery. It still feels unreal that we will be having 2 little ones in a few short months. Grady is at such a good age right now and I have to admit I'm not looking forward to the newborn stage again. I love the cuddles but the up all night, beginning of breastfeeding part is what I'm dreading. I hope that our little girl is a little bit of a better sleeper than what Grady was.

Heartache

This past week has been extremely difficult for our family. A week ago we had to say an unexpected goodbye to a vibrant young soul. We got the dreaded phone call from Chad’s mom late Sunday night, we were a little late putting Grady to bed that night when we got the phone that an 8 year old family member had passed. All I could do was drop down to my knees holding my baby boy and cry. Unfortunately this isn’t the first time we have had to say goodbye to a child too soon. A few years ago our friends’ 4 month old passed away, both scenarios are difficult to understand but I don’t know if it was because this one was family or because I’m a mother myself now but this one has been grueling. This past week understandably I haven’t sleep well, thinking of the moments replaying in the back of my head. How his mommy and daddy must feel, how people are perceiving the unfortunate circumstance. I feel guilty bringing my son around them with another baby on the way and I feel guilty for the way I feel. Should I feel so sad for only knowing him for 5 years? Although I only knew him a short amount of time I enjoyed every second I had with him and I hope that I only touched his life in some positive way. He was a little rascal that for sure but man did he have a big heart. From the moment he met me he never forgot my name and every time we were together he would come up and tease me.

"I have a theory about moments. Moments of impact. My theory is that these moments of impact, these flashes of high intensity that completely turn our lives upside down, actually end up defining who we are." – The vow

When tragedy hits it’s hard not to reflect on your own life. There’s been a hashtag floating around facebook since the tragedy, #Makeyourmark. What is your mark? What will you be remembered as? I hope that I can only be remembered as a great mother and wife. The other titles are important too don’t get me wrong but that’s not my priority. My priority is my own family. A lot of people do not understand that and they don’t need to. Friends come and go, work comes and goes and sometimes family comes and goes to but if I can just focus on making my mark on my own family that’s all I need in this thing called life.

One of my absolute favorite stories about that 8 year old boy is a story that his mother tells. It was about the age of 3 when they were traveling by plane somewhere and he had to poop, just like any child or man for that matter he decided he needed to do his business as the plane was starting to board. So his mother took him into the bathroom so he could do his business and of course he had to take off all his clothes in order to get the job done. I can just imagine his mom a patient saint.

This tragedy has really hit home for us and has us reconciling our own lives. I hope that one day my children will say that their mom let them be who they were and loved us conditionally no matter what happened. I hope that my kids have stories that they share of our time physically together not times threw the phone or computer. This little boy was full of life and taught me not only how to be a better person but also how to be present and how to be a better mother.