Breastfeeding Journey

I don’t know why I have been so worried to write this post. I feel like breastfeeding is a touchy subject so I try to refrain a little but at the end of the day I supplied 2 babies with breastmilk and I am very very proud of that. I have always known I wanted to breastfeed my children, not very many people know but I have breast implants. I got them about 6 years ago and when I went in to see the doctor one of my first questions was if I get implants can I breastfeed. Also, when I was pregnant with Grady I didn’t do the birth classes that were offered through the hospital but instead I did a breastfeeding class. Everyone told me of how easy and natural breastfeeding was. So, when I gave birth and they immediately put him on my chest to do skin to skin and have the first latch I was in shock. Holy cow did it hurt like no bodies business. And it continued to hurt for a LONG time. No one really explains the truth to you just beats it down your throat how breast is best and how natural it is. Well I’m here to say that after feeding both my babies it definitely did not/has not come natural for me.

When I went to the breastfeeding class at the hospital the instructor teaching made the comment about how easy it was to breastfeed. Well I’m here to say that is far from the truth. Also, breastfeeding looks differently on everyone. A working mom’s breastfeeding experience is going to be completely different than a stay at home mom. They say not to feed and pump that it causes an oversupply and the baby will not get the hind milk (fatty milk) when you feed. But how are us working moms supposed to start a stock pile if we don’t pump after a feeding. With both my babies I would feed/pump/feed/pump like a mad woman just to have a stock pile for when I started back at work. (Have I mentioned being a working mom is hard work)

With Grady I had a really hard time with breastfeeding in the beginning. It felt like he was slicing my nipple every time I would feed him.  I ended up using the nipple shield just to get some relief. The first few months I would feed him and then pump and get a large amount of milk (8-9 oz) when I pumped. I thought I was doing good. But then every time we went to the doctor his weight percentile would drop and I was devastated. I just didn’t know why this was happening since my supply seemed to be great. Then at about 4 months my milk leveled out and I was only getting about 3 oz at a time. We discovered he had a tongue and lip tie and that was the reason why it hurt so bad and that he wasn’t gaining weight. When we got it corrected he went from 9% in weight to 30% in weight in about a month. I remember that month being completely exhausted I was feeding him around the clock to get him to gain weight as well as pumping to re-gain my supply. After we got the tongue and lip tie corrected breastfeeding began to get a lot easier.

With Audrey breastfeeding was a breeze from day 1 and I was so so thankful. But at about 2 weeks Audrey got viral meningitis and my milk supply leveled and plummeted. I knew with my experience with Grady that I had to use a hospital grade pump so we ended up buying one on ebay and I was using that while feeding her in-between. It was a roller coaster ride with my supply with her from the very beginning. Every time she got sick or I would get sick it would go down. I got the stomach bug at around 11 weeks and in-between bathroom breaks I would try and feed her determined to continue to breastfeed. And then we both got the flu, it was one thing after another. I get pretty defensive when people make comments about my supply and think that it just came when that is far from the truth I worked really really hard for every ounce of milk that I have provided to my babies.

As much as I am an advocate for breastfeeding I’m also an advocate for a healthy mommy and know just how hard this can be. It’s not easy worrying about every ounce that is consumed, spilt, poured out, pumped. Worrying about the time your baby ate last the activities/errands you need to accomplish in-between the next feeding. The list goes on. It is draining on a woman and can make anyone go crazy especially a new mommy that is just weeks or months post-partum. Just as much as it is pounded in our heads that breast is best it should also be heard that a healthy momma is the best momma and not matter what choice YOU decide is best to feed your child. It is your decision and you should not feel bad about that in any way.

I’m not writing this post to drill in people’s heads that you should breastfeeding I’m simply writing this post for the mommas that dream of breastfeeding but just doesn’t come easy for them.